Choices
by Croco-Stimpy
Summary: This one's a divergent fic pretty late in the series. What if angels had a choice too... R&R always welcome. Updated the first chapter and uploaded #2.
1. Visions of Light and Water

Standard Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, as if that's a surprise, they're owned by Gainax. I'm not going to make a penny off of this, so please don't sue me.  
  
***************  
  
First, there was light, and then came the screams. A moment later, she realized the screams were her own cries of pain only broken by desperate pleas for help from anyone who would listen. Unfortunately for her, the only person she was aware of was the one causing the pain and they weren't interested in helping.  
  
She felt cold as icy tendrils tore into her mind, violently searching for something, what she didn't know. Maybe it was the screams or maybe it was the unwelcome intruder, but she found herself remembering the very first time she screamed.  
  
********************  
* Choices *  
* an NGE fanfic *  
* by Mike Ewing *  
********************  
  
Chapter 1.  
Visions of Light and Water  
  
She found herself standing in a rather drab room filled with medical equipment. The room wasn't particularly dirty, but it did lack the sterile, antiseptic atmosphere one would expect of a hospital room, this was no hospital. The room felt oddly familiar, not necessarily comfortable, just familiar.  
  
An old man stood with his back to her trying desperately to calm a small, struggling child on a gurney. The child's cries filled the air, along with smell of blood. In spite of the smell, however, she didn't have to look at the child to know that the scent was LCL, not blood. She also didn't have to look to know that the child's hair was blue and eyes were crimson, just like her own. The old man administered some drugs to the child and her struggles and cries slowed, then eventually stopped. The child was still covered with LCL and in spite of the old man's efforts to clean her off, she would still periodically add to the mess by coughing up some more of the orange liquid. The old man sighed heavily and began checking the child's condition.  
  
"Will this one live, professor?"  
  
Rei turned to see the figure of Commander Ikari standing behind her staring intently at the prone child on the gurney. The man did not seem particularly concerned, more interested than anything else.  
  
"It's too early to know for sure, but she's much stronger than the last two, so there may be some hope," replied Fuyutski, exhaustion thick in his voice.  
  
"Very well, inform me when she's ready." The Commander turned and started to leave.  
  
"Aren't you going to stay?"  
  
"My presence is no longer required."  
  
"I didn't say that it was."  
  
The Commander paused, "Concern is best spent on those who need it. If she doesn't survive, we'll simply keep going until we find one that does." With that, Ikari left the room. Rei continued to watch the scene in mute silence.  
  
"As if that were a surprise," mumbled the old man as he resumed his labor.  
  
***************  
  
"I wouldn't be surprised at all," Asuka glowingly told the school crowd gathered around her, "if that were the last angel attack, the rest of them are probably too scared after my last outing."  
  
"Wow, I can't believe you killed it all by yourself," beamed Kensuke, his undivided attention on this glimpse of life as a pilot, "where was Shinji during all this?"  
  
Shinji looked wearily over at the group listening to the latest exploits of the Redheaded Devil. Well, at least that's what the rest of the Three Stooges would've called her. Shinji only considered her one of the minor demons, and that was only when she got in one of her too frequent Bad Moods, which she wasn't in right now. This was more like one of her Arrogant Moods and he didn't mind those so much. They weren't as nice as one of her rare Good Moods, but at least she didn't punch or kick him when she was like this. Still, it was good to see Asuka in a better mood than she had been in, maybe that win did her some good.  
  
"Where do you think that idiot was? He was cowering back in the launch bay, too scared to even come out and play. Besides," Asuka continued, "it's not like I needed him."  
  
Or maybe not. Shinji just rolled his eyes, he was too used to her to know that pointing out that the real story wasn't quite like that wouldn't get him anywhere except in the hospital.  
  
"Stand up, bow, sit down!" Hikari yelled out as the sensei walked into the room.  
  
Shinji idly watched the Second Child out of the corner of his eye as she went through the routine. As she sat down, she sighed heavily and stared blankly at her computer screen for a few seconds, her expression a sharp contrast to the one of overwhelming pride it wore just a few seconds before. She glanced briefly at Shinji then shook her head as if trying to clear a fog from her mind. She then rested her chin in her hand and got ready for another boring lecture about Second Impact.  
  
Shinji looked over at Ayanami's empty desk by the window. That in itself was nothing new, but he wondered just how long it was going to remain empty this time.  
  
'Touji,' Shinji thought as he looked back at his desk, the sensei's lecture droning in his ears, 'is he ever coming back either? How long until Asuka's desk is empty, or my desk, or even the whole class for that matter. What a great start to a no doubt great day, sigh.'  
  
The school day passed surprisingly quickly considering the subject matter, no doubt thanks to the half-day Saturdays. Shinji didn't mind them too much, after all, he was used to them. Besides, it's not like he had anything better to do. The only bad thing about going to school on Saturday was having to put up with Asuka's constant complaints every time they rolled around. Because of this, Shinji felt like he should cherish this day, what with Asuka not saying a word and all. But instead, he felt like something was wrong. He decided to change that.  
  
"So, how's Hikari been? I haven't talked to her lately," Shinji asked as he walked along behind her.  
  
Asuka gave a non-committal grunt and kept walking. 'OK, this isn't going to be easy,' thought Shinji.  
  
"Say, don't you just hate going to school on Saturday?"  
  
Another grunt came from Asuka as she looked up in the sky, she never slowed down. 'Damn, this isn't working.'  
  
"You know, I couldn't help notice that your hair looks a little green today, did you change shampoos?"  
  
Asuka looked back down and kept walking, this time not even offering a response at all. 'Oh well,' thought Shinji to himself, 'I guess I'll try again later.'  
  
The couple continued on back to their apartment in silence. The whole time, Shinji kept a concerned eye on the distracted youth in front of him.   
  
"We're home," Shinji called out as he kicked his shoes off in the entryway to their apartment. Asuka dropped her school materials off in her room, went out on the balcony, and shut the door.  
  
Having received no reply from Misato, Shinji went to the kitchen and found a note conspicuously tacked to the refrigerator. 'Gotta work late, but not too late. Save some dinner for me, yum yum! M.'  
  
Shinji looked out towards the balcony and the lone figure leaning against the railing.  
  
"Qwark!" came a cry from Shinji's feet, startling him from his gaze.  
  
"Oh yeah, sorry Pen-Pen." Shinji opened the refrigerator and pulled out one of the nicer fishes and put it in Pen-Pen's bowl. The warm-water penguin looked out on the balcony where Shinji's attention had been fixed and asked, "Qwark?"  
  
"I don't know, but I'm going to find out." One thing was certain, however, he wasn't going to get any information out of Asuka on an empty stomach, so he made a couple of sandwiches and grabbed a couple of cans of soda to take with him.  
  
The sound of the balcony door did nothing to break Asuka of the spell she cast on herself as Shinji joined her in the windy noonday sun. "You look like you could use this," Shinji said as he offered her lunch.  
  
"Hmm?" Asuka turned and took the meal with a slight grin, "Oh, thanks." She took a bite and returned to the task at hand, that of watching the birds flit among the buildings.  
  
The two ate in silence for a while before Asuka spoke up, gesturing towards the objects of her attention. "You know, sometimes I am so jealous of them, no responsibilities, able to fly around carefree all day long."  
  
Shinji answered, thankful to finally hear some words from Asuka, "I don't know, I'm sure some of them have kids to take care of."  
  
Asuka turned and looked him in the eyes, "So?"  
  
"What do you mean, 'So?'"  
  
"It's not like your dad takes care of you."  
  
Shinji turned away as he answered, "He's got _other_ responsibilities."  
  
"That's no excuse," whispered Asuka. Shinji took a half-step away from her, not exactly the best thing to do.  
  
"How does that make you feel, happy, sad, angry? Why don't you just admit you hate him?"  
  
Asuka narrowed her eyes and leaned in threateningly, but a cringe was the only response she got. "Grrraaahh!" she let out and whipped back to her view of the city. "Typical, why would a dumkopf like you expect me to tell you anything if you're too weak to do the same?"  
  
"Wha?" Shinji turned back questioningly, but Asuka was finished looking at him.  
  
"Isn't that what you came out here for?" Asuka asked, her voice full of venom. "You wanted to come fix all my problems, but the second it gets personal, you turn back into pathetic little Shinji." She looked down and stared at the street below, the few people she could see looked like ants scurrying around in the sunlight. Asuka's voice was much lower when she resumed, "Please, lay off that whole 'Let's all feel sorry for Shinji' routine, it's getting old."  
  
"As old as the 'Let's all feel sorry for Asuka' one?"  
  
Another grunt was all he got in response. Better than a punch, but he wasn't satisfied. "Come on Asuka, tell me what's wrong."  
  
"Please Shinji, just leave me alone. You wouldn't understand." Asuka hung her head a little further over the railing as her voice trailed off. She used her left hand to tuck some hair behind her ear when a breeze picked up and blew it in her eyes.  
  
"No, I think I finally do," Shinji said as he turned and stared passionlessly in the distance, "you really do hate me."  
  
Asuka turned and looked speechlessly at her windblown companion.  
  
"All this time I thought that maybe, just maybe, all these punches, yells, and kicks were just a front. I figured that if I just tried hard enough to understand, you might actually open up. But now I know, you meant everything." Shinji took a step back, still grasping the rail for a moment, and then let go. He turned and wordlessly left the balcony and went back inside. Pen-Pen looked up curiously at Shinji from his seat in the living room as he walked by, but the defeated young man just ignored him and sulked back to his hideaway from the world. Yeah, this had been a great day.  
  
Asuka stayed out on the balcony for a few minutes, feeling as small as the people on the streets below. She wandered back into the apartment and stopped briefly in front of Shinji's door before continuing on to her own bedroom. Once inside, she flopped down on the bed without bothering to turn on the lights. Looking around the dimly lit room, her eyes came to rest on the pile of books sitting unopened on the desk. In an effort to take her mind off the day's events, she stood, walked over to the desk, and turned the light on. Opening the top book off the pile, Asuka finally broke the silence. "I don't hate you Shinji, if I hate anything, it's homework."  
  
***************  
  
Rei didn't exactly hate homework, but she was never really interested in it either. She always remembered plowing through it with the same disinterested haste, the sooner she finished it, the sooner she could get back to more important things, like studying to be an Eva pilot. That fact made the sight of her younger self, disturbing.  
  
Rei found herself in a small room she recognized in Commander Ikari's residence. Gendo was pouring over some paperwork from HQ as a young Ayanami, this time around 9 years old, studied some homework her tutors had given her. The Commander read through the papers with the typical concentration Rei expected from the man. The young First Child, on the other hand, was somewhat distracted and would periodically glance at the man and play with her pencil.  
  
"Excuse me sir," the younger Rei asked, "Lt. Yoshima's daughter asked me if I wanted to go to the movies, may I?"  
  
"No." The Commander never looked up from his work.  
  
"But why not?"  
  
"Because you have nothing in common with her."  
  
This quieted the young Ayanami, but sent shivers up the older Rei as she recalled what happened next. Images replayed in her mind of herself sneaking out of the apartment, joining up with the young girl, and watching her laugh and generally enjoy the evening. Commander Ikari only took her places for specific reasons, to be fitted for new clothes, to visit his wife's grave, or to engage in any number of training exercises. Rei had never "gone out" with anyone just to have a good time before, her friend obviously enjoyed it and it made Rei curious as to how it felt. She decided to try it again sometime to learn more. However, that decision changed once she arrived home.  
  
Rei found herself standing this time in a dark bedroom with moonlight streaming through the window. The room was clean and tidy, if somewhat sparsely decorated. The room contained a small bed with bedside table, as well as a dresser and mirror. While there weren't any visible signs of it, Rei knew this was a child's room, mainly because she recognized it as the one she lived in before the Commander ordered her to move into an apartment of her own. As she watched, the window opened and the younger Rei crawled through and turned on the lamp beside the bed. Both Rei's gasped audibly as the lamp clicked on, revealing Commander Ikari seated calmly in a chair where shadows so recently obscured a corner of the room.  
  
The Commander sat for a few moments before breaking the silence with only a hint of emotion, "You disobeyed my orders, Rei."  
  
The older Rei winced when she heard the words from her Commander, but was surprised to hear her younger self ask a question instead of backing down. "But sir, why can I not have any friends?" the younger Rei asked.  
  
"I told you, you have nothing in common with her, you have nothing in common with anyone."  
  
"What do you mean?" the child asked, with only a hint of anger.  
  
The Commander paused, "Come with me." Ikari then stood and calmly left the room, not bothering to make sure that Rei followed, which both of them did.  
  
The trio walked for some time in silence through the hallways of NERV. The older Rei didn't say a word since she knew it would do no good to talk to memories. The younger Rei, on the other hand, had tried a few times to ask the Commander where they were going, but stopped when he didn't respond.  
  
The familiar ticking of the floor indicator only served to accentuate the quiet in the elevator as the group traveled down to Terminal Dogma. "Why do I not remember my friend?" the older Rei asked herself out loud, her voice barely a whisper.  
  
A childlike Rei, this one lacking any color save shades of gray, took this opportunity to speak up. "You did not remember because you chose not to."  
  
The older Rei glanced briefly at the shadow then resumed her view of the elevator door, "Why would I do that?"  
  
"Because it caused too much pain," replied the shadow Rei, "you would rather think that you never tried to have a friend than to think that you had failed."  
  
"But, what happened to her?"  
  
"The Commander transferred her family away from Tokyo-3."  
  
"Why?"  
  
The shadow smiled, "Isn't that obvious?"  
  
The older Rei chose to remain quiet rather than to acknowledge her fears.  
  
The group eventually stopped in front of an anonymous door in a forgotten part of the complex. The door opened as the Commander swiped his security card through a slot at the side, revealing a large, dark, circular room. In the center sat a glowing vertical cylinder filled with an orange liquid.  
  
The Commander walked next to the cylinder and stopped, turning his head only enough to see the young Rei fidgeting nervously next to him. Ikari produced some sort of remote device from his pocket and pressed a button, "This is what I mean." The far wall of the room lowered revealing a large tank filled with uncountable numbers of floating Reis, all about the same age as the younger Ayanami.  
  
The remembered Ayanami staggered back a few steps, struggling for control. She lost.  
  
"NOOOOO!" she screamed, causing all her sisters in the Reiquarium to look back at her, which didn't help. "Those _things_ are me, what's going on?" the younger Rei managed to ask between gasps.  
  
"This is the truth, plain and simple. You are a tool, replaceable. You have no need of friends, you have only my purpose, that is your lot in life."  
  
The young Ayanami cried out against the darkness in her mind and collapsed into a sobbing ball on the floor. The Commander looked down at the child, but made no move to comfort her. Rei did her best to watch with detached interest, but in spite of that, knelt next to the broken doll.  
  
"I... I'm crying?" Rei asked no one in particular.  
  
"A part of us died that day, if it ever truly lived," Rei heard a multitude of voices say. Rei looked up to see all the clones in the tank staring at her, all the color faded from their bodies.  
  
"Why would I react this way? The Commander is merely telling the truth."  
  
The sea of Reis replied again as one, "You've seen how his own son is affected by his words, did you really think you were completely immune?"  
  
As the words came out, the young child's sobs slowed and stopped. Still sniffling, the child stood, blinked a few times, and looked into the Commander's eyes.  
  
"Are you finished crying?"  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"Good, then let's go."  
  
Rei stood up and watched the Commander and her younger self leave her alone with her thoughts.  
  
Or at least she would have been if it were not for the multitude behind her. "Even then you denied yourself feelings. The Second Child displays her emotions proudly on her shirtsleeve, the Third is absorbed by his, and you have denied them for so long, you've forgotten what they feel like or even how to feel them. He showed you that you weren't entirely human, so you abandoned your first tentative steps toward humanity, pathetic."  
  
With that, the lights went out.  
  
If there had been any light and someone to see, they would have noticed a single tear moving down her porcelain cheek. "Is that so wrong?" Rei asked the darkness.  
  
***************  
  
'No,' Asuka told herself as she walked slowly down the hallway, her overnight bag over her shoulder, 'I'm not a bad person, just misunderstood. Misato treats me like a child and Shinji's just too stupid to tell otherwise. It's not that I don't care about anyone, just not her. I don't need to be here, after all, _I'm_ the one that saved that stupid doll's life in the first place. Besides, it's not like the First Child would even care if I'm there or not.'  
  
She stopped in front of the door and stared at it for a few seconds. "I don't need to visit Wondergirl, she can take care of herself, I know I do," Asuka told the door when it seemed to ask why she wasn't opening it.  
  
Asuka took a deep breath, stuck her chest out, and started to stride purposefully away from that annoying door. She stopped after a few steps and closed her eyes. A passing nurse with a clipboard nearly ran into her and was forced to step around.  
  
'Why the hell am I even here?'  
  
***************  
  
"Because I think you should go."  
  
"Well I don't," said Asuka to the Major across the dinner table from her. Dirty dishes were still scattered across the table waiting for Misato to clean them up.  
  
Misato sat the beer can down and linked her fingers in front of her, "Asuka, she's a fellow pilot, how would you feel if you were in her shoes? Wouldn't you want someone to visit you?"  
  
"Well I definitely wouldn't want _her_ to visit _me_, why don't you send Shinji, he likes her." Asuka thumbed to Shinji sitting in the living room watching TV, crossed her arms, and put on her best German pout.  
  
Misato sighed, this was getting nowhere. "He's already been twice, but she doesn't seem to want to talk to him."  
  
"Good for her, for once I agree with her," Asuka smiled. If she'd looked, she would've seen Shinji wince at those words.  
  
"Look Asuka, I'm not going to order you to go, you'll have to decide for yourself."  
  
"Fine, it's decided then," Asuka stood and grabbed her bag, "I'm going to stay over at Hikari's tonight if you need me. It's not like that emotionless doll would care anyway."  
  
Misato picked her beer back up and began to drink. "You think so, well I guess it's a good thing you're not going, I'd hate for you to have to change your mind. Besides, I didn't really think you'd be able to do any good anyway."  
  
Asuka stopped and cocked her head for a moment. "Humph." Red hair whipped around her head as she turned and left the apartment.   
  
"Do you think I should go after her?" asked Shinji as he pulled back a chair and joined Misato at the table.  
  
Misato breathed heavily, leaned as far back as she could without falling over, and sighed, "Don't bother, we've lost her for now."  
  
***************  
  
"No, I'm not lost," Asuka told the nurse with a clipboard, "I know exactly where I'm going."  
  
"OK, well if you need any help, just let me know," she smiled and continued down the hall.  
  
Asuka's eyes narrowed as she scanned the hallway. 'That damn, manipulative Misato, she'd say anything to get me to see 'Die Wunderkind'.' The hallway was filled with various pieces of equipment and people scurrying back and forth to places they evidently felt they needed to be. Unfortunately for Asuka, she was having a hard time trying to figure out exactly where that was for her. She walked over to a nearby waiting room, set her bag down, and looked out the window as she gathered her thoughts. The darkness outside did nothing to answer her questions, so she tried to sort them out for herself.  
  
Asuka had always hated hospitals, they reminded her of the bad things in life. Every time an angel banged her up, she would end up here. Every time she got hurt in training because she wasn't fast, strong, or good enough, she would end up here. Every time she went to visit her m... well, she didn't want to think about that right now.  
  
This time was different though, this time she had a chance to come and gloat about how good of a job she did to someone she really hated. Or if she was feeling real nice, and Asuka wasn't sure about that yet, she could actually try to mend one of the many bridges she'd burned over the years. But to be nice to Rei, boy that was a stretch. If there was anyone that deserved sympathy less than Shinji, it was Rei. At least Shinji reacted to her abuse, even if it was for his own good. Rei on the other hand, never even flinched when she slapped her, it was almost as if she thought that Asuka was beneath her notice.   
  
'Either way, I'm already here,' Asuka thought, 'I might as well say hello, if she'd even care.' She picked her bag back up and her way back down the hallway.  
  
The annoying door seemed to stare back at Asuka for an eternity as she looked at the number on the door.  
  
***************  
  
As Rei watched, the other Ayanami looked at the slip of paper in her hand and back up at the number above the classroom door as if she were making sure it was right room. Seemingly satisfied, the other Ayanami, Rei guessed this one to be just a few years her younger, entered the room. Various groups of students were gathered in the room gossiping about the normal topics, boys, girls, that cool new album no one's had a chance to buy yet, etc. As the young Ayanami opened the door and entered the room followed by Rei, a young girl with brown hair and freckles approached her.  
  
"You must the new girl the sensei mentioned, my name is Hikari Horaki, I'm the class representative," she extended her arm to shake hands. The younger Rei closed the door and considered the hand being offered her. After a moment's deliberation, she placed the slip of paper in Hikari's hand, walked over to one of the desks next to the window, and sat down. She rested her chin on her hand and stared out the window.  
  
"Nice girl, eh class rep?" asked Touji as he and Kensuke approached her from behind.  
  
"Rei Ayanami," Hikari read from the slip of paper, "hmmm, it says she works for NERV, but it doesn't say where she transferred from."  
  
"Maybe they made her in a vat," chimed in Kensuke, "I hear that NERV's trying to breed an army of super-soldiers to take over the world!"  
  
Whap! Touji rubbed the hand he just finished slapping Kensuke on the back of the head with, "If they are, they sure know how to make them cute super-soldiers."  
  
Whap! Now it was Hikari's turn to rub her hand.  
  
Once again, Rei watched in silence with detached interest.  
  
"Come on Touji, let's go say hello," called Kensuke as he made way to the blue-haired girl's desk.  
  
"Hi, my name's Kensuke Aida and this here's Touji Suzahara, pleased to meet ya."  
  
The sight of the two widely smiling boys greeted the seated Rei as she briefly glanced in their direction, but she made no move to acknowledge them. By this point, the older Rei noticed that the rest of the class had quietly started to watch the scene play out along with her.  
  
"Wow, did you know your eyes are red?" asked Touji, a little too quickly.  
  
"Yes." She continued to look out the window.  
  
A long pause ensued.  
  
"Uh, what's your name?" said Kensuke, trying to keep the conversation rolling.  
  
"The class representative already told you my name," stated the younger Rei matter-of-factly, "it's Rei Ayanami." A look of regret passed across the older Rei's face as she leaned against the sensei's desk.  
  
Another long pause.  
  
"OK, well if you need anything, just ask," Touji waved as he drug Kensuke by the shirt back to their desks. "Boy, what a weirdo," he whispered to his struggling companion.  
  
As the murmurs of the class grew back to the previous levels, the shadow Rei made another appearance.  
  
"It's easier that way, just ignoring the world," said the shadow, "if you don't try, you won't get hurt."  
  
Rei stood, walked over to the window by her desk, and joined herself in staring at nothing in particular. "Anything I'd ever want to talk to anyone else about is classified." She looked at herself reflected in the glass, her red eyes staring unblinkingly back, "The sensei could never teach us anything new, anything useful."  
  
"If that's true, why do you think the Commander made you come?"  
  
Rei considered the shadow's words while the class continued to murmur around her. "It must have been for them," she whispered.  
  
"Who, them?" The shadow motioned to the class.  
  
"No, the Second and Third. He must have done it to keep me close to them, to keep an eye on them."  
  
"So once again, he ordered you to feel pain for his benefit, just like he'd done a million times before." A smile began to play across the shadow's face, which Rei could barely see in the reflection, "And still you continue on, why?"  
  
"Because if I don't, he'll just replace me," Rei quickly replied.  
  
"Exactly." The shadow dissolved into a mist.  
  
Red eyes looked around at the classroom filled with people she knew, but never bothered to learn their names. 'Alone in a crowd of people, once again,' she thought to herself.  
  
The room began to quiet as Rei wrapped her arms around herself and took a moment to ponder the full impact of those words. Her eyes wandered back to the blue-haired young girl seated in front of her, and then followed her gaze back outside. A noise interrupted her reverie and she turned to see the classroom door open.  
  
***************  
  
"Um, hey Wondergirl," began Asuka as she stood nervously in the doorway trying to see into the darkness beyond, "Misato said I should drop by." She could barely make out the form of a girl sitting in the center of the bed hugging her knees.  
  
Asuka entered the room, put her bag down next to a lonely chair by the door, and looked around the small hospital room. 'Damn it,' she thought as she found the darkened light switch, 'doesn't anyone here believe in lights?'  
  
With a flourish, Asuka brought light into the shadowy room, "There, that's better, too depress..." Her voice trailed off when she brought her attention back to figure on the bed. The nurses had managed to change her into a hospital gown and clean her up, but a crop of rather disheveled blue hair still sat upon the young girl's head. Rei's arms hid her face from the world, all that is, except for the two crimson eyes staring blankly over them at the foot of the bed. Rei rocked slowly back and forth and made no move to acknowledge her new guest.  
  
Asuka gingerly sat down on the bed next to Rei and peered around for a better look at her face. "Hello? Hello-oh, is there anybody in there?" Asuka said in a voice a little too loud for anyone else but her. She waved her hand slowly in front of the unresponsive girl and let out a short chuckle, "Just nod if you can hear me, is there anyone home?" She shook her head, but stopped when she looked closer.  
  
Rei's eyes had always been red, it was one of her trademarks, just like being quiet and doing her best to ignore Asuka, except on pilot-related matters. But now, her eyes were quite bloodshot, as if her irises weren't happy with their little plot of land and were trying to take over the entire continent. Asuka got the clear impression that Rei had been... 'No, that's not possible, she just probably hasn't blinked for hours.'  
  
When a gentle nudge also failed to get the patient's attention, Asuka shrugged and stood back up. She then walked back over to the door, picked up her bag, and extinguished the intrusive light. "Oh well, at least I tried." The door handle clicked and a stream of light flooded into the room once more as Asuka opened it to leave.  
  
"Pilot Sohryu," came two faint words from the darkness.  
  
Asuka let go of the door handle, turned back on the light with her free hand, and looked over her shoulder to the source of the unexpected words. Rei had stopped rocking, but continued to stare at the foot of the bed.  
  
"What happened... to me?" Rei asked in the same faint voice.  
  
Her bag made a loud flop as Asuka tossed it back on the floor. Asuka shifted into the lonely chair and leaned back, "I might as well get comfortable Wondergirl, this is going to take a while."  
  
  
End Chapter 1.  
  
Die Wunderkind: the wonderchild  
Dumkopf: idiot  
Reiquarium: a big tank filled with blue-haired, red-eyed fish ^_^  
  
9-15-2001  
  
Wow, I can't believe I've actually got the first draft of this thing done. I really didn't feel like working on it this weekend, thanks to the events of a few days ago, but life does go on and we can't let those bastards get us down.  
  
Hopefully, the Gentle Reader can figure out where in the series this little story is supposed to take place, if not, it's gonna be real obvious with the next chapter. One last thing, of course Asuka is a Pink Floyd fan, isn't everyone?  
  
9-30-2001  
  
I re-wrote Rei's second flashback scene to match up better with the direction I plan on taking the story in later chapters. I didn't like the idea that she had emotions before and conveniently forgot about them.  



	2. Confrontations with the Enemy and One's ...

Standard Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, as if that's a surprise, they're owned by Gainax. I'm not going to make a penny off of this, so please don't sue me.  
  
***************  
  
She was nervous.  
  
No, nervous wasn't exactly the right word for how she felt, that word implied a fear of saying or doing the wrong thing, and she never worried about trivial crap like that, especially with the person sitting across the room. If she felt anything, it was uncomfortable. The hard cushions of the lonely chair weren't helping any either, but it's doubtful that even the softest and fluffiest of pillows could ease away the conflicting emotions racing through her mind. She sighed, "OK Wondergirl, where do I start?"  
  
********************  
* Choices *  
* an NGE fanfic *  
* by Mike Ewing *  
********************  
  
Chapter 2.  
Confrontations with the Enemy and One's Self  
  
If there was one nice thing about the rain, it was the fact that it quieted the otherwise constant drone of the cicadas. Then again, it's not like Asuka noticed either way, she had more important things on her mind. As it was, she couldn't even concentrate enough to pay attention to the Major barking out orders, or rather suggestions, as she liked to think of them more and more lately. Besides, she didn't need to worry about details, just as long as she was able to do her job and kill this angel.  
  
Having a few moments to spare, Asuka studied the image on the view screen inside her Unit-02. This angel was strange, different. This one actually looked like an angel and not those freaks of nature she was used to dealing with. A beautiful, glowing, winged creature at the limits of NERV's scanners, this angel filled Asuka with a sense of dread. It seemed to be in no hurry and was quite content to spend all day floating around in orbit, taunting its hopeful slayers below.  
  
With a rush of air and loud clank, a positron rifle emerged from the ground nearby, silencing the sound of an alarm. Asuka grimaced slightly when she noticed the extra effort it took to will her Eva to grasp the weapon and lift it from its brace. It used to be so easy, like moving her own arm, but the past few months, and the last few weeks especially, had taken their toll on her mind and spirit.  
  
"If I fail this time, they won't let me pilot anymore. You can do it Asuka, you must."  
  
As the behemoth lumbered to the staging area, Unit-02 removed the wing from it's right shoulder and tossed it carelessly to the ground, breaking something in it with an audible crack. She could worry about that piece later, and besides, _she_ didn't have to fix it. A stray thought entered Asuka's otherwise cluttered mind and she stopped her giant doll to take a look at the discarded piece. She suddenly felt an eerie connection to the now useless wing, 'How long until they toss me aside too.' Asuka closed her eyes tightly, and then continued on to the staging area.  
  
Once she finished attaching the rifle to the shoulder harness, Asuka lowered the targeting display over her face and gritted her teeth. This was no time for mistakes. The targeting computer chirped endlessly as if it were trying to fill the void left by the now quiet cicadas.  
  
"The target is still out of range," came Hyuga's voice over the comm system. 'Well, duh,' Asuka thought to herself.  
  
Still the computer chirped as the reticules struggled to line up with the target in the center of the screen.  
  
"Damn, why are you so slow? Come and fight angel!"  
  
Suddenly, the glow of the target brightened noticeably causing Asuka to gasp and then screams of pain seemed to echo in the comm system. "Wondergirl?" she asked with surprise, 'I'd forgotten about her.' Light filled the sky, but fell most heavily on the street a few blocks away.  
  
"Help... me," Rei gasped over the comm.  
  
A split second before the shockwave hit her Eva, Asuka saw a bolt of light streak back up through the stream from the sky as if Rei were trying to free herself from this angelic attack. The fact that the heavenly light continued told Asuka that she had failed.  
  
The comm system buzzed in Asuka's ear as command crew back at NERV yelled back and forth. Asuka just ignored the noise and thought, 'I can take care of this myself.' "Eat this, schweinhund!" Asuka cried through clenched teeth as she unleashed volley after volley of positron death at her distant foe. She only stopped once the rifle began to spit only clicks, rather than balls of explosive energy.  
  
The heavenly light and screams continued unabated.  
  
Asuka grabbed the targeting computer with both hands and pushed it out of the way with all her strength before taking the controls again. "Grrrrrr," was the only sound she made as Unit-02 ripped the rifle from its shoulder and hurled it desperately in the air as if trying to knock the angel out of the sky. The fact that the rifle went several blocks would've been impressive if her target wasn't in orbit. "Now what am I supposed to do, dance and sing?!"   
  
"Send me out there!" cried out Shinji as his image popped up in Asuka's entry plug.  
  
"NO WAY! This is my fight, Third Child, stay out of it!" Asuka growled.  
  
"We can't risk Unit-01 coming into contact with an angel," joined in the Sub-commander's voice.  
  
Asuka glared at Shinji's image as he replied, "But that won't happen as long as I'm not defeated. If we don't do something, Rei will die."  
  
"That is correct, Pilot Sohryu, you will retrieve the Lance," ordered the Commander.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Lieutenant Ibuki will guide you."  
  
The comm to the Commander cut off, leaving Asuka alone with the incoherent gasps from the First Child. She was tempted to close that channel, but couldn't bring herself to do it. Fortunately, she didn't have to wait long until the voice of Maya and the sounds of a background argument joined her.  
  
"OK Asuka, disconnect your external power and proceed to retrieval pad C."  
  
"Roger."  
  
Following the Lieutenant's directions, Unit-02 attached itself to a harness and descended into the depths of Terminal Dogma. Being lowered by a hoist like this was nothing new to Asuka, she'd done it before, but this was different. Sure, this time she didn't have to wear that big dorky suit, and that was definitely a plus, but at least then people gave her a hint of what to expect. And she certainly wasn't expecting a vast chamber filled with towering stalagmites, each one larger than her own Eva.  
  
"Mein Gott, what is this place?" Asuka asked in disbelief as she came to rest on the floor of the cavernous room.  
  
"This is part of Terminal Dogma, the holding place of the Lance of Longinus, that is all you need to know, Pilot Sohryu. You are not to discuss anything you see, do you understand?" Commander Ikari said firmly into the comm.  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"That is a direct order _pilot_, do I make myself clear." In spite of the relative lack of anger, the Commander's words caused Asuka and Unit-02 to cringe slightly.  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"Very well, now retrieve the Lance and return to the surface immediately."  
  
"Roger," Asuka looked around as she removed the cable, "but where is it?"  
  
Maya's voice came over the comm, "I'm opening the gate for you now."  
  
A door at the far end of the chamber opened. From where she stood, Asuka couldn't see anything but another large room, so she walked apprehensively towards it. When she finally approached and looked through the gate, she stopped breathing.  
  
"Asuka, is everything alright?" asked Maya.  
  
A few seconds passed before Asuka knew the answer, "Uh, yeah. I guess that's the Lance."  
  
"That is correct," said Commander Ikari simply. He didn't have to say anything else to let Asuka know he wanted her to stop wasting time.  
  
Asuka stared at the Lance as she made her way to it. 'Concentrate Asuka, just get the Lance then get the hell out of here. Ignore the sea of LCL large enough to float a destroyer on. Ignore the enormous cross next to the destroyer. Most of all, ignore this huge, ugh, disgusting monster you're pulling it out of.'  
  
The Lance of Longinus came out of the huge, white, crucified creature with a sickening sound. That was bad enough, but what was worse was what happened once the eldritch weapon was removed. The creature jerked violently and legs sprouted from its formerly legless body, but ceased moving again once it was done. Asuka turned and almost ran back to the lift and the waiting angel on the surface.  
  
As she ascended to the battlefield, Asuka took a moment to look at the Lance. It was an enormous weapon, at least twice at tall as her doll, and it looked as deadly. She gripped the weapon tightly and turned her head up. Raindrops broke against the glass of her Eva's eyes, letting her know that the final door opened and she would soon be aboveground. 'You can do it, I know you can,' she thought, as if trying to convince herself of its truth.  
  
Asuka didn't wait for the countdown and hurled the Lance with a strength born of all the frustration and grief in her short life. She watched as the Lance tore a gaping hole through the clouds on its way skyward. Amazingly, mere moments later the heavenly light winked out as the drizzle ceased.  
  
"The target has been destroyed."  
  
'Wow,' Asuka thought, 'I didn't even aim.'  
  
The clouds were gone now, letting the welcome light of the sun take the place of the unearthly illumination. Standing still in the sudden daylight, Unit-02 stared intently at its hands, mimicking the actions of its unbelieving pilot. "I... did it."  
  
"Asuka," Misato's voice grabbed Asuka's attention.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Go help the recovery teams. They're getting Rei out of the entry plug now, but they need some help getting Unit-00 back on the pad."  
  
"Roger."  
  
Asuka quickly motioned Unit-02 over to the site of the fallen Unit-00 and connected up her external power. By the time she finished with that task, the recovery team had Rei out of the entry plug and guided Asuka to where they needed the blue giant positioned. Alarms resumed as the recovery pad descended into the darkness below. Looking down, Asuka noticed the rather frail looking blue-haired youth huddled in an area next to the pad cordoned off with yellow tape. As she watched, the tiny figure of another pilot approached the tape and stopped. After a brief moment, the pilot hesitantly stepped over the barrier, approached the young girl, and laid a reassuring hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Humph, I bet he wouldn't do that for _me_."  
  
Still the blue-haired girl didn't move.  
  
***************  
  
Rei didn't want to move, she didn't even want to close her eyes. Every time she did, the visions would come back. They had replayed in her mind over and over almost non-stop since the attack and closing her eyes only made them worse. Even a blink would yield an image of her commander watching uncaringly as she cried. Another blink and she could see a classroom full of gawking strangers. The worst part was not knowing why she even cared, she never did before, she had only asked Asuka to stay so she could help keep the visions at bay. For now, the only vision that filled her head was one of the foot of the bed.  
  
"Hey Wondergirl, did you even listen to a word I said?" asked a voice from the edge of her sight.  
  
She found herself unable to answer. Of course she had been listening, she had been hanging onto every word, every distraction from herself.  
  
A rustle of noise greeted Rei and she could feel the bed tilt slightly as Asuka sat down on the edge. She wasn't sure, but Rei had the distinct impression that Asuka was staring at the foot of the bed as well.  
  
Asuka sighed, "Surely my story wasn't that boring."  
  
A question entered Rei's mind, a simple one, but one she needed an answer for.  
  
"I wonder..."  
  
Rei could see from the periphery of her vision that she had Asuka's attention.  
  
"Did you only come here to gloat?"  
  
There was a pause, which Rei wasn't expecting. Normally the room would be filled to overflowing with German curses by now. Instead, she only heard a tired voice reply.  
  
"Yes. No. I'm not exactly sure why I'm here anymore. I thought I should be happy, proud now that I won one by myself, but I'm not." Asuka shrugged, "Whenever I think about it, I don't feel bad, but I don't feel..."  
  
Rei turned and stared deep into blue eyes, "Anything."  
  
Asuka backed away from her, obviously uncomfortable in the unblinking glare.  
  
"Yeah, something like that." Asuka evidently found the lonely chair much more inviting and left the bed for its stiff embrace. Settling uneasily into the chair, Asuka gazed at the end table. "So let me ask you something..."  
  
Rei continued to stare. Asuka glanced at Rei and looked back at the bedside table. "How do you deal with it, not feeling anything?"  
  
"I... do not know." Elaboration wasn't something that came naturally to Rei, so the two sat in uneasy silence for a while.  
  
Obviously not satisfied with that answer, Asuka continued, "What do you mean you don't know?"  
  
Not sure herself, Rei felt it was her turn to avert her eyes. She did not answer.  
  
Asuka shifted in her seat. "So, you're the Commander's pet, you must know this one. What was that _thing_ down there, an angel?"  
  
Rei took a moment to compose her thoughts. "I... cannot say."  
  
Asuka's eyebrows furrowed, "I don't believe that for a second, Wondergirl. Don't tell me you and the Commander play Mahjong all day when you're absent from class."   
  
Rei cocked her head questioningly, "No, we do not, why would I tell you that?"  
  
Asuka rolled her eyes, "Whatever, I'll bet you told that idiot Shinji what it was when _he_ came to visit."  
  
Rei turned back to the foot of the bed, "No, we did not talk."  
  
"Yeah, that's what Misato said. So what did the Invincible Shinji say to piss you off so much?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Hmm? It must have been pretty awful."  
  
"He said nothing." Thinking back, Rei remembered the uncomfortable silence that engulfed the room the few times Shinji had visited. Since Shinji seemed to make no move to start a conversation, Rei felt no reason to do the same, in spite of the welcome distraction it offered.  
  
"I guess I shouldn't be surprised, he's pretty good at that, except when it's something stupid."  
  
"I do not understand, why would he visit if he had nothing to say?"  
  
"Maybe he just wanted to check up on you. Maybe he cares for some dumb reason."  
  
Reason, sometimes the only thing Rei had to comfort her despite its coldness, began to tick in her head. A connection was made. Rei looked back at her companion and asked hopefully, "Is that why you came, Pilot Sohryu?"  
  
Asuka looked shocked briefly before smiling. She stood, picked up her bag, and opened the door. "Sorry Wondergirl, don't get your hopes up." She turned the light off as she left.  
  
Rei stretched out on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Reading people had always given her problems. They always seemed to react in strange, unpredictable ways to the most innocuous of things, especially Asuka. On top of that, they usually tried to hide their true intentions and feelings as if they were scared or embarrassed of them. Not comfortable with deception, Rei tended to say nothing instead of lying. Because of her lack of experience, it was usually difficult to separate truth from fabrication. She found it refreshing to be able to tell without a doubt when someone was lying, for a change.  
  
Tentatively, Rei closed her eyes, but the images of the past did not come.  
  
***************  
  
The images on the video monitor winked out when the door closed. These cameras weren't designed to work in the dark, which was fine with the Sub-commander. He was uncomfortable enough with the idea of spying on the Children as it was and Ikari definitely didn't need to know what they did when the lights were out. He, at least, trusted them that much.  
  
From his view behind the seated Commander's shoulder, Fuyutski couldn't see Ikari's face, but he could guess that he still had his attention focused on the now blank screen. "Tell me professor, do you think the Second Child was able to help?"  
  
Fuyutski frowned, he hated when the Commander called him that. It was as if he were trying to remind the Sub-commander of his former position of influence over his former student and the fact that those positions were now reversed. "Well, she's speaking now, that's certainly an improvement."  
  
"Yes, but is it enough? She needs to be able to pilot. The injury to Rei instead of the Second Child is cause enough for concern, we cannot afford any more departures from prophecy."  
  
'Always worried about schedule more than people,' thought Fuyutski. "And if she can't?"  
  
The Commander adjusted his glasses, "You know the answer to that, the only reason I'm giving her a chance now is because I don't want to waste the years of training we've invested in her. Her condition is of no concern as long as she can fulfill her next mission, this iteration was not scheduled to last beyond the 16th angel regardless."  
  
"Hmmm, well what do you want to do about the Second? She did talk to Rei about what she saw."  
  
"That is of no consequence, Rei knows more than she ever will. We do not want to tip our hand, they might become suspicious that we're watching them."  
  
'You mean that _you're_ watching them.' Fuyutski sighed to himself, putting up with the Commander was hard enough as it was. They didn't pay him enough for this.  
  
***************  
  
The change jingled lightly as Asuka moved her finger back and forth through the small handful. Her face bathed in red fluorescent light contorted into a frown, "Scheist! All I want is one small Coke, is that so much to ask for?" She glared menacingly at the impudent gas station vending machine. Finding no soda forthcoming, she kicked it angrily and stomped off in the direction of her apartment.  
  
The passing streetlights washed everything in yellow and their hum offered a familiar accompaniment to the click of her shoes. The way from the hospital to Misato's apartment building wasn't very far, but the walk did give Asuka a chance to think without the distractions of home. Well, she tried to think of it as home, it was the closest thing she had. Lately, however, she had distanced herself more and more from her roommates. Misato didn't help by staying at NERV for hours on end working on God knows what and Shinji just hid in his SDAT player.  
  
Being dependent on other people didn't sit well with Asuka, they usually ended up hurting her, but the last angel attack scared her. It wasn't the horror of the battle, she'd been through that enough, it was the hollowness she felt after her victory that disturbed her. She didn't care about Wondergirl, why would it bother her that she was hurt in the attack? Slowly, the answer formed in Asuka's head, because it could have easily been her screams over the comm and herself stuck back at the hospital, again. That, coupled with hollowness she felt, made her feel a weird connection with, ugh, Wondergirl.  
  
As she walked, she adjusted the bag on her shoulder, 'That was too close.' She went there to convince herself that she didn't care, instead she actually started to have a civil conversation. The scariest part, however, was when the First Child flashed those pleading eyes at her, whoa. She'd actually felt sorry for her, Wondergirl of all people. Fortunately, she managed to leave before things got any worse. The last thing she needed, Asuka decided, was another clingy friend. Or did she? A quick shake of the head drove those thoughts from her mind.  
  
Another Coke machine stood in the lobby of Misato's apartment building and greeted Asuka as she entered and walked past. She peered at it for a moment, but she already knew she didn't have enough change for one of her few escapes. Drinking it made her remember life back in the States, when she didn't have to worry about angels, spineless wimps, and blue-haired dolls. The fact that Misato and Shinji didn't drink it also helped her get that distance she needed sometimes. It didn't matter that the Coke in Japan didn't taste quite the same and had almost indecipherable gibberish plastered all over it, she could still close her eyes and get away. But only if she had enough money, though. With a sigh, Asuka pushed the elevator button and took it up to the right floor.  
  
Since no introductions were necessary, Asuka didn't bother with them as she entered the apartment, kicking off her shoes noisily was enough for her. She made her way to the kitchen and dropped her unused overnight bag by her door as she went past. The sound of the TV told Asuka that someone was still up, despite the fact that the clock showed that it was just past midnight. No doubt it was Shinji, Misato was still probably out and about, even though she would claim she was at work. Asuka suspected she was out fooling around with Kaji, in spite of her claims that he wouldn't call again. 'He's probably too busy being groped by Misato, that's why I can't reach him,' Asuka thought with a sly grin.  
  
Making noise was something that came naturally to Asuka and not being one to fight nature, she made as much of a racket as she could when she opened the refrigerator to find something to drink. What she saw made her let out a short, but audible yelp, which brought the unwelcome, if somewhat worried, face of Shinji peeking in from the living room.  
  
"Are you OK?"  
  
A quick flick of the wrist and a few long gulps later, Asuka found herself miles away from her troubles, even if only for a few moments. She breathed deeply, and then opened her eyes and asked, "Did you go shopping? I thought it was Misato's turn."  
  
Shinji smiled, "Yeah it is, but she went into work again so I picked up a few things. I thought you might need one of those," Shinji said and pointed to the red labeled can in her hand.  
  
"Thanks Shinji, I think I love you," she said with a smirk and a little more than the Asuka-minimum-required amount of sarcasm. Those words drew a somewhat startled look from Shinji, followed by a hopeful raising of an eyebrow.  
  
Asuka groaned, "Oh no, not you too."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Nevermind." Asuka turned and moved back toward the hallway.  
  
"Uh, where were you, I thought you were going to Hikari's."  
  
She stopped, but didn't turn around. "Well I didn't, isn't that obvious?"  
  
"Is there anything you want to talk about?"  
  
"I told you before, you idiot, no." A couple of gulps later, she started back off and stepped out of the kitchen into the darkened hallway.  
  
"Hey Asuka." She stopped and turned to see him smiling weakly, "He does make me angry, but I don't hate him."  
  
A look of confusion passed over Asuka's face only to be replaced by the hint of a smile. "Maybe tomorrow, I've got to get cleaned up and get some sleep, I'm exhausted." She turned and went to the bathroom to do just that.  
  
***************  
  
YAWN!!  
  
Misato stretched her arms and opened and closed her hands. 'How do Ritsuko and Maya do this non-stop, day after day?' She rolled her head around in a circle in a vain attempt to get rid of her fatigue. Defeat finally sunk in and she looked back down at the computer screen, not only because that was what she was working on, but also because it was one of the few things visible in the dimly lit room at NERV HQ.  
  
Screen after screen of text paged up the monitor as Misato searched through the system, for what, she wasn't entirely sure. One thing was certain, however, 'Come on, come on, there's got to be a reason for all this.' She knew a few of NERV's vast number of secrets, but only enough to make her realize she needed to know more.  
  
Suddenly, a light came on and Misato instinctively reached into her jacket and looked over her shoulder.  
  
"Late night?," asked Dr. Akagi standing in the doorway.  
  
"Uh yeah, just finishing up some paperwork, you know how it is." Misato released the grip on her gun and put her hand back on the keyboard as naturally as she could manage.  
  
"You know, I always find it helpful to have a little bit of light," Ritsuko said with a smirk.  
  
"I was just getting ready to leave," said the Major as she turned off the computer.  
  
"Uh-huh, well, you should probably get some rest, you've been working a lot of late hours lately."  
  
Misato's eyes narrowed slightly, 'How would she know?' She stood and picked up the small stack of papers she had brought along just in case. "Yeah, goodnight, see you in the morning."  
  
Misato started to walk past the doctor when she was interrupted, "You know, tomorrow's Sunday."  
  
"Right, see you Monday."  
  
The doctor smiled, "Goodnight."  
  
Misato left without looking back.  
  
  
End Chapter 2.  
  
Schweinhund: Pigdog  
Scheist: Shit  
Mein Gott: My God  
  
10-1-01  
  
Two weeks for a chapter, that sounds about right. Don't count on it every chapter, I had a little of a head start this time.  
  
I re-wrote a bit of Chapter 1, so go re-read it if you haven't yet. I hope all the characters aren't too OOC, I've struggled with it. Obviously they're going to be a little different since events haven't unfolded exactly the same as the series, but I wouldn't have bothered with writing it if they did. For all you Shinji fans out there (there's got to be a few), I haven't completely forgotten about him, I'll focus on him and some of the other characters a little later, rather than make this strictly an Asuka & Rei story (I didn't mean it _that_ way ^_^).  
  
Thanks to those that reviewed my first chapter, I appreciate them all, good or bad, even if I don't reply personally.  



End file.
